Who’s Building This House, Anyway?
Hello everyone! I write you from the land of cheap fruit, insane humidity, and my always-crazy students.
The past month and a half has been…interesting. My school is going through a lot of changes in its curriculum and structure, which leads to a lot of confusion as everyone tries to work out those changes on a practical level.
My students still drive me insane on a daily basis. I still love them all. I’ve had the chance to have some deep conversations with them already, in the middle of English, involving everything from how God speaks to people, to what happens after death and why I don’t believe in ghosts. I pray for more of those question and answer times as the year goes on.
Outside of school, I’ve been to IKEA more times than I’ve ever been in a month (twice), experienced a special night market, watched endless amounts of YouTube, and almost single-handedly convinced the leader of our Wednesday night church group to introduce new songs.
When thinking about this update, I was wondering what the theme of it would be. My life tends to run in themes as I learn things. And as I thought, I kept coming back to a verse one of the admin shared at Orientation Week:
Psalm 127:1-3:
“Unless the Lord builds the house,
those who build it labor in vain.
Unless the Lord watches over the city,
the watchman stays awake in vain.
It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.”
The verse gave me a sucker punch in the gut. You see, I spent a lot of time last year “eating the bread of anxious toil.” I was more tired than I had ever been in my life. I wasn’t sleeping enough. (7 hours vs. 8 hours makes more difference than you know…) I spent endless hours agonizing over my classroom management and lessons and students and…everything.
Because I was trying to do it all myself.
As I’ve alluded to in previous blog posts, I’ve always been an independent person. I was the kid in class that never wanted to do the group projects. I never ask where the bathroom is in restaurants “because I can find it myself”. If I’m honest, I quite enjoy the rush that comes from figuring things out on my own.
If I’m honest, I have issues with pride.
This verse is a reminder that whatever happens this year, God is building it. I do my job as well as I can, in His strength, and He does the rest.
I want my soul to be at rest. The bread of anxious toil is disgusting.
And in the moments where I am tempted to stress, I can almost hear Him say, “Who’s building this house, anyway? You or Me?”
The day we come to the end of ourselves is never fun. But there is almost a relief of finally admitting that we can’t do anything on our own. It’s like letting out a breath that we’ve been holding all our lives, but never knew we were holding.
JRR Tolkien gets a lot of love on this blog via Lord of the Rings analogies. But my favorite writer of all time is undoubtedly C.S. Lewis. In his book Mere Christianity, he has this to say on the same theme:
“If you really get into any kind of touch with [God] you will in fact be humble—delightedly humble, feeling the infinite relief of having for once got rid of all the silly nonsense about your own dignity which has made you restless and unhappy all your life. He is trying to make you humble in order to make this moment possible: trying to take off a lot of the silly, ugly, fancy dress in which we have all got ourselves up and are strutting about like the little idiots we are.”
This may sound harsh, but it’s really true. When we stop pretending to be in control of everything, that is when God can really begin to work. So I have to start my days, and end them, and remember in the middle, that God is building all the “houses” of my life in Thailand. He will do what He has planned…and the easiest and hardest job of mine is to let Him work, and just do as He tells me.
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Next week, my school is about to have it’s yearly Overnight Camp. It is 1 and ½ days of pure insanity. Students are at the school Thursday afternoon into the evening, with Grades 4-5 sleeping on school grounds, and return for a morning and afternoon time of more festivities. While it is a chance for students to play games and eat marshmallows, it is also a time when they get to hear the Gospel presented.
Our theme this year is Finding Forgiveness (based on Finding Dory, with an ocean theme to boot). The main message is that forgiveness is not a thing we deserve or can ever earn on our own, but is given to us by God.
Please pray for all the teachers and students during this time. Not only will we be physically and mentally exhausted, but we will also need wisdom as we talk about spiritual things with our students.
Thank you all so much for your support. Feel free to shoot me a comment letting me know how things are going back in the States. Are the leaves falling yet? What’s it like to have cold weather?
Love you all; “see” you with the next update!
Teach; Think; Write. 