Exactly a year ago, October 17, 2018, I had just gotten off a plane in Suvarnabhumi International Airport. I was exhausted and mildly terrified. I had just left behind my entire life to start a new one half a world away. I had no internet, no friends, and no idea what I was getting into.
This morning, I got up and made coffee while listening to a worship song using data on my Thai phone. I thought about my upcoming Fall Break. I walked out of my apartment building and caught public transport down the street to school. I got breakfast at 7-11 and didn’t even think about which color the 20 baht note was.
One year down, I have a new home.
It’s a weird feeling, having lives in two places. Half the time in Thailand, I don’t really feel like a “foreigner”. I know I’m not Thai but I don’t feel overly American, unless I’m with a bunch of my coworkers discussing cultural differences. I just…am.
I have a lot of basic life skills for survival now, and I’m starting to become more confident with my job.
My job…has been nothing like what I dreamed it would be. And somehow, that has all been for the best.
If I had been successful at everything from the start, I would have learned that I’m allowed to rely on my own strength. Instead, I’ve learned that I am forced to rely on God’s.
This had been the running theme of my blog, because it has been the running theme of my life.
The other week, I was recommended a song called “The Summons” by whatever strange pattern YouTube uses to determine what I like. I had never heard it before, but the lyrics were enough to make me weep:
“Will you come and follow Me
If I but call your name?
Will you go where you don’t know
And never be the same?
Will you let My love be shown?
Will you let My name be known?
Will you let My life be grown in you
And you in me?
….
Will you leave yourself behind
If I but call your name.
Will you care for cruel and kind and
Never be the same?
…..
Will you love the ‘you’ you hide
If I but call your name?
Will you quell the fear inside and
Never be the same?
Will you use the faith you’ve found
To reshape the world around
Through My sight and touch and sound
In you, and you in Me…”
*****
Teaching is often romanticized. There are days I don’t feel like all the motivational sayings about “changing lives” are any bit true.
The other week, one of my co-workers said “I really don’t know how people who aren’t Christians handle teaching.” And to be sure, there are plenty of good non-Christian teachers. But the rigors of the job are so demanding, I know that without God, I would have gone running back to the States long before now.
One year down, I have less grandiose dreams. But I’ve also learned that sometimes, often, God calls us to be faithful in the tiny, mundane, wearying things.
Each of my 23 students is loved by Him more than anyone in the world. Before anything else, my job is to show that love.
It’s funny to look back at my first few posts in Thailand. So many things that were weird or hard back then are almost blasè now. I know my school and my “neighborhood” and my life.
But I want to keep growing and perfecting my craft. Just because I’m comfortable doesn’t mean I get to stagnate. I want to love people better. I want to be more patient with myself and others. I want to know God more.
So as I celebrate one year down and look forward to the future, I know I still have a lot of places to grow. But I’m thankful for the work in me that has happened.
One year later, the journey was long. But every step was somehow worth it.
Teach; Think; Write. 