Author Archives: jnvaught

“Summertime

Makes every emotion intensify

I’m drowning in an ocean of

Good and bad

Of happy and sad

‘Cause there’s too much time to think…

About everything throughout the year that

Happened to me

I’m overwhelmed by the

Things I have lost and the

Things I have got

So all I do is think

Until all that’s left to do is…sing.”

–Summertime, by Dogwood and Holly  (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1mFUNnJ3zm0&list=PLVa8H3ixTwOP24vJ_Dcap475AHVk1BNr_)

Or, in my case, write.

This was exactly the sort of summer I was wishing for.  There were aspects of it that I wasn’t jumping for joy about (my mom is still in recovery from a lot of health issues that all snowballed at once, for example), but I very much enjoyed the chance to just relax.

There were no papers to grade, no classes to manage, nothing to do but write and think and be.

(Be…at the beach.)

But now, I’m headed back.

Feelings are mixed.

I’m happy to go back to a defined job, a purpose, a mission.  I’ve missed my students.  I’ve missed the sense of community at my school.  And I’m grateful to God for both.

But I love my family and all my friends here.  And goodbyes are always hard.

When I was in elementary school, I remember saying that when I grew up, I wanted a house where all my family could live together.  Now that I’m older, I understand many reasons why that isn’t feasible.  But I think that’s why I’ve always loved the idea of heaven so much.  No goodbyes.

To keep with the unofficial Lord of the Rings running theme of this blog, I’ll relay a comparison I made the other day.  In the main series, the protagonists are attempting to take a ring that is the embodiment of all evil to be destroyed and avoid soldiers of the Enemy.  Frodo, who has been keeping the ring hidden, says this quote:

“I spent all my childhood pretending I was off somewhere else…my own adventure turned out to be quite different.”

Never have I related so hard to a quote.  My whole childhood was spent daydreaming about leaving the U.S. and traveling to some foreign land.

14 hr airplane flights never factored into those daydreams, naturally.  Nor immigration hassles, or buying an internet plan, or dealing with taxi navigation.

My own adventure has been quite different so far.  And, like Frodo, sometimes I’m tempted to wonder what in the world I’m doing, leaving behind so much and so many that I love.

But today, I realized something.  I may relate to Frodo, but Frodo only had one long adventure.  I’ve left home once before, and now I’m going back.

No, I’m not Frodo.  I’m Aragorn.

(“Who’s that?”, I can hear everyone who hasn’t read the books or seen the movies ask.)

THIS is Aragorn.  (AKA, my high school crush.)  In the book, he is the technical heir to a kingdom that has not had a king for hundreds of years.  He was raised in the Elven kingdom of Rivendell, a quiet, peaceful refuge.  But by the time of the books, he is a ranger, traveling about the countryside defending villages from the advance of evil forces.  When asked by another character about Rivendell, he responds this way:

“I dwelt there once and still return when I may.  There my heart is; but it is not my fate to sit in peace, even in the fair house of Elrond.”

It is not my fate to sit in peace…

Since I was small, I knew that my life would not be quiet, or simple, or ‘normal’.   This is not to say that those who live a ‘normal’ life are somehow bad—the important thing is living out your calling from God, whatever that may be.  And I knew I was called to go overseas, and to serve, specifically kids.

Never did I imagine that leaving my Rivendell would be so hard.  Not when I spent so long dreaming of adventures.  But it is.

The only good thing about Rivendell is that it isn’t leaving anytime soon.  Aragorn, in the quote, doesn’t scoff at his childhood home, nor does he diminish his longing for it.  He even says that his heart is still there! As someone who is experiencing some of the sacrifices of a split life for the first time, that’s immensely comforting!  You’re allowed to miss home! You’re even allowed to be entirely confused about where home is!

All of this to say, I’m happy to go back to Thailand.  But I’m not happy to leave America.  And I’m not loving the realization that this back and forth is about to become part of my life for a good while.

But why am I doing this, anyway?

I’m not destroying an evil ring.  But I am going to serve, and to love, and to live as an example of God’s presence on this earth.

Tomorrow, July 26^th, I go back to being a farang, a foreigner.  It’s a weird feeling.  But it’s a nice reminder that I’m already a spiritual foreigner.

No matter what happens, I belong to God.  Nothing can snatch me out of His hand.  And for some reason, He’s decided that Thailand needs me for a bit.

Watch out, Thailand.

I started with song lyrics.  I’ll end this with a poem I wrote that (poetically) encapsulates my summer.  Thank you to everyone I saw for your love and support and thank you even to those I didn’t see.  I will miss you all.

“I have dwelt in Rivendell

Upon a summer’s day

And many a pleasant hour was spent

Within that happy place

For rest and fun have marked this house

Since I was very small

And still it holds the promise of peace

Though I have grown up tall

Oh how beautiful the sunlit roads!

The trees with leaves all spread

The days and nights I lingered here

Have been quite truly blessed

But my fate requires a different path

That leads me far from home

To a land where all the streets are strange

And they speak in foreign tongues

To work and toil I now return

For I heed the Master’s call

The road ahead, it beckons me

As it goes ever on

I shall come again to Rivendell

And stay within its gates

And so, with smile, I bid farewell

And say, “We’ll meet again.”

************************************************************************************

More updates will come soon.  At least once a month.  In the meantime, you can be praying for:

• A safe and (dare I say?) enjoyable flight.
• My settling back in process (getting unpacked, etc.)
• Getting ready for the coming school year, practically and mentally.
• For my upcoming students.
• For me to find things to do outside of work, particularly with my church.

Signing off for now.  Next time you hear from me, I will be in Thailand!

I struggled for a while, thinking how to begin this post.  I thought I would post something in April.  After all, I had a wonderful Spring Break; I took a much-needed vacation with my dad to the beach in Phuket. Then I thought, with all the lessening of teaching in May, I would surely be able to post then.  Maybe something fun about the differences between Thailand and the U.S. and all the little things I’ve had to get used to in my adopted country.

But I realized that a fun, cheery post would not do justice to the last two-and-a-half months of my life.  Neither would a doom-and-gloom post.  Because my life has existed in a place of paradox these past months.

I could focus on the negatives.  My mom has been battling with jaw pain and the prolonged side effects of medicines ever since February.  My grandmother passed away in April.  A friend of mine struggled heavily with anxiety and depression.  On top of that, I had to find my footing with teaching, a struggle which I discussed in other posts.  I had days I just wanted to hide in my apartment and not come out.

Or, I could focus on the positives.  I got to pet TIGERS.  I went snorkeling in some of the most beautiful water I’ve ever seen.  I got to see students make ACTUAL PROGRESS in their English reading, writing, and speaking.  I’ve been in outdoor markets with the best food ever, and I now know how to navigate taxis enough not to die (or get ripped off).  I learned another language!  I made friends.  I found a fantastic church.  I have managed to make a living for myself, in a country not my own.

And both sides would be true.

Shortly after I arrived back in the U.S., a good friend gently asked me what one of my best moments from the last few months had been.  At the time, I told her I didn’t know how to answer that.  Life lived in a foreign country, often like life in our native countries, is often lived un-examined.

But after a few days, I realized that I did know how to answer her question.

Picture, if you will, a crowded chapel with rows of wooden pews.  About 100 children sit (or squirm) in them.  Their teachers squirm, too. It is the weekly Grade 1 and 2 chapel.  We are all hot and tired.

I am sitting with the class of the teacher in charge of the chapel lesson that week.  The lesson was short, so we are doing a few songs to end the time.  I hear one of the students whisper, “Oh, it’s the stand song!”

The music plays.  And I hear 100 tiny Thai babies sing the following:

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=just+give+me+jesus+and+i%27ll+be+alright

(Please listen to the whole song.  It is a bit long, but profound.  VERY profound.)

Most of these children have no idea the weight of the lyrics they sing.

The song ends with a verse from an old hymn:

“Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him

How I’ve proved Him

O’er and o’er

Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus

Oh for grace to trust Him more…”

I don’t remember if I cried.  But in that moment, I knew what heaven would sound like.  It would sound like 100 tiny Thai kids, singing praise to the King of Kings.

Also in that moment, I knew that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

I had many moments of feeling entirely inadequate this past semester.  But standing in that chapel, it hit me, once and for all, that God did not make a mistake when he sent me to Thailand.  To my school.  To my students.  To my colleagues.

Jesus, Jesus, how I…often don’t trust Him.

How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er!!!

Needless to say, I played that song on repeat the last two weeks of school.

As I end my first quasi-year of teaching, this is the message that is left in my heart:

Jesus is leading me.  I’m not always going to know where, or how, or why.  Trusting Him is going to be hard.  There will be days I kneel in the shower and scream at the heavens, wondering why I am where I am.

And then, there will be moments of grace, where I realize that yes, I am still on the path.  I am right where I should be.

As I take a summer of rest, and prepare for another year, I’m left with that last, ringing lyric:

Oh for grace to trust Him more!

I pray that my second year will be marked with the grace to trust, to surrender, to humble myself, more and more and more.

“No man is an island,

Entire of itself,

Every man is a piece of the continent,

A part of the main.”—John Donne

I first read this poem in high school.  As an extrovert, a Christian, and someone who loves community, it really spoke to me.  No one is meant to live life alone, I thought.  We all need friends and family, and the wider Body of Christ to keep us accountable, encourage us, challenge us.  And I craved that community.

At least, I thought I did.

But if I’ve come to realize anything over the past few months, it’s that I didn’t really want to NEED anyone.

Oh, I THEORETICALLY loved the idea of having people to lean on.  But I’ve realized that when you lean on people, it comes with an important caveat:

You have to admit you’re weak.

And oh, did I never want to do that.

My aunt tells the story of the time I came running to her as a toddler, hands in the air, crying “It’s just a little too much!”  Turns out, I had tried to pour myself a bowl of cereal while my parents were busy doing yard work.  I had emptied the entire box on the counter.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved the idea of being independent.  Doing things on my own, being strong and capable and competent.

I’ve always wanted to help people.  But needing help just felt…bad.  Like it was dirty or shameful.  Like I couldn’t hold it together on my own, so I had to go crying to someone else.

And teaching has been no different.

From the time I arrived, I learned that one of my classes contained some of the roughest kids in the school.  And they are.  I’ve had to go back to the drawing board more times than I can count.  I’ve revised everything I thought I could do.

And now, I’ve had teachers offering or giving assistance.  I’ve had to ask for outside help with discipline.

And my pride hates it.  LOATHES IT.

It hurts to admit you can’t handle something without help.  Especially when you want to be strong.

I wish I could tell you that feeling weak isn’t so bad.  That it feels nice to come to the end of yourself.  That I’ve “found Jesus at the end of myself” and it’s all warm fuzzies.

It’s not.  It sucks.  It’s hard.

Right now, I don’t have heaven opening and angels descending on a cloud to give me bread from heaven.

(I don’t even have any bread in my fridge.)

I don’t even necessarily feel like laying down the law tomorrow.  But I will.

I have left my home, my family, my friends, my country…everything.  Somedays, I think God surely must have picked the wrong teacher for these kids.  They need someone tougher.  Someone with more experience.  Someone not-me.

But I’m here.  Somehow, I’m here.  I don’t know why.

I’m reading John right now.  One thing that sticks out is how Jesus is continually obsessed with doing “the will of God who sent [Him].”

That’s been my question lately.  What is the will of God who has sent me here?  To this foreign country with kids who talk, and talk, and TALK, and play and seemingly have no remorse for anything.

What do I do?  How do I love?

And once again, I find that I need someone.  Namely, God.

So what has Thailand taught me?  I cannot be an island.  I also can’t pretend to be part of the continent but keep bushes around my problems.

And it’s hard.  And it’s annoying.  And yeah, I still wish I didn’t need help.

But that’s not how we were made to be.

If you’re reading this, I don’t know where you are in your life right now.  Maybe you’re like me.  I’m willing to bet you are.  Most people want to be strong.

Well, take it from someone diagnosed with self-sufficiency: you need people.  I need people.  We all need people.

C.S. Lewis calls pride a “spiritual cancer.”  If that is the case, then may this be the start of my “spiritual chemo”.

I think the best glimpse into part of my life the past month is this little piece I wrote one night, frustrated and tired:

“I’m starting to realize that every teacher has those moments.  The moments when you would sell your soul if all your kids would just SHUT UP for five minutes and listen to the lesson.  The moments when you dread the arrival of certain kids and pray (half-jokingly half seriously) for them to be absent.  The moments when all the things you planned for that day go crashing down in a heap.

These are the moments that make you long for the Little House on the Prairie days when the teacher could give kids a spanking.  Where you’re almost convinced that every single kid in one class is plotting how to make your life miserable.

And it’s easy to get wrapped up in a cloud of self-righteous fury.  How DARE these little brats talk while I talk!  I’m the TEACHER!  How dare they not listen?  How dare they play around with pencils and erasers?!  How dare they roll around on the mat!

And yes, some things are behavior issues to work out.

But then I make myself stop.  Or more accurately, God does.

And I remember that I know very little about what my kids go home to.  I don’t know all their deepest fears or worries.  I don’t know if they get any or much attention from Mom and Dad.  I don’t know what sets them off.

There’s a lot of whys I don’t know.

There are days I have to fight to remember what it was like to be a student.

There are days I have to fight to be gracious.

There are days where teaching is hard.

And these are the days that turn me, little by little, into the teacher that God wants me to be.  One with experience and persistence and the wherewithal to wake up every morning and do everything all over again.

Because if these kids matter to Him, they HAVE to matter to me.

Bottom line, teaching is hard.  Teaching is annoying.  Teaching is stressful.

But so is climbing a mountain, and finishing a project, and learning to play piano.

God doesn’t let us have things easy in life all the time.  Because then how would we learn to trust him?  How would we learn perseverance?

How would we ever grow?”

*************************************************************************************

I wrote this about 2 weeks back, and it’s still accurate.  There are days when I get to the end of my lessons and am smiling and chuckling as I grade papers and straighten the low-key carnage of fallen pencils and scattered books.  And there are other days where I am wondering what the heck my students all ingested with their lunch, and if they learned anything at all during the lesson.

The bad pollution Bangkok has been experiencing hasn’t helped, either.  The kids haven’t been able to get out and run as much.  Even my better behaved kids have had some rough days.

But every day starts over the next day, and every day has some good thing.

Pollution is less terrible as of now, although the city government had to cancel school for this past Thursday and Friday, due to the bad air quality.  It’s now only in the “unhealthy for sensitive individuals” range, as opposed to the “unhealthy for everyone at large” range.  But still not great, so be in prayer for that.

On the fun end of things, I went to the grand opening of the first Taco Bell in Thailand, saw the new How To Train Your Dragon 3 (out very early here…), and finally bought a microwave!

There are definitely still moments where the “I am a foreigner” bit hits hard.  Like going to immigration to deal with (YET MORE) visa stuff, and having my translator/escort talking to the official in Thai, while I have NO EARTHLY CLUE what they are saying.  (It turns out they were discussing another teacher’s situation entirely, but STILL!)

And then, there are times when I feel like this is okay.  I live here now.  I can ask for food to-go and navigate crossing the street and be polite.

I’m a person.   They’re people.  I was in the grocery store today and I didn’t feel that wave of nervousness and tension I’d usually been getting, especially in big stores.  It felt normal.

This is where I live now.  I may be a farang (foreigner) but I’m here to stay for a bit.  And I am thankful for the ways that this country has taken me in.

Well, hello everyone.

Yes, I’m still alive.  Yes, Christmas was wonderful.  Yes, it was nice to go ‘home’…though even the whole idea of ‘home’ is shifting and changing.

This is a weird stage of life; there isn’t any other way to explain it.  You know just enough (hopefully) of your job and life to manage on your own but aren’t used to it enough to feel comfortable in it.  If you’re anything like me, you feel awkward one minute, totally fine the next, like there’s something you should be doing, like you don’t know what to do…the emotions change minute by minute.

This is reality.  This is ‘adulting’.

I have a complicated relationship with that word.  On one hand, it annoys me, because I feel like some people use it as an excuse not to grow up.  “Oh, I can’t ‘adult’ today; I just want to curl up and drink hot chocolate and eat pizza for dinner.”

(Trust me, that is a very real temptation! Thailand has good pizza….)

On the other hand, it’s a useful word that sums up a very real feeling.  When kids are kids, we think that adults know everything.  They seem so wise and strong and capable.  Then, we grow up and learn that adults are really just people who have tried, tried, and tried again, and get to live with the wisdom of experience.  We watch our parents, who are living with that wealth of experience, and think we should look like them.  Where we think we should be is a far cry from our physical and emotional reality.

When I was back in the States, I passed a church sign that listed the sermon for the week after Christmas, titled “Life After the Manger”.  I have no idea what exactly that sermon would have entailed, but the title stuck with me.  It’s such an appropriate title for that time right after Christmas, and for me, right after finishing my last part of college.  The student teaching is done.  This is my JOB.

The Messiah is born.

…so what happens now?

I imagine Mary and Joseph must have been asking that question.  Probably a lot of other people: the shepherds, the wise men, anyone who saw the star, Simeon and Anna in the temple…

They had just lived through this huge, major event.  But then…life went back to normal.   And minus a few hiccups, life would stay “normal” for the next 30 years, until Jesus started His ministry.

It must have seemed like a letdown, a bit.

The Messiah is here…now what?

I’ve got a job, I finished school, I’m living in Thailand…now what?

Some of you reading this are in the same place I am.  Some of you are nodding your heads as you remember being in that place.

I don’t have any clever answers for you.  All I know is how to look to God, shaking and nervous as I am, and follow His lead.

Because after the manger, God was still there, as He had been for the past thousands of years.  After the manger, He was still guiding people.  And after the manger, His plan was far from done.

I don’t know what the next five-ish months have for me.  I don’t know what my life holds around every corner.  I certainly have no clue what will come in the next thirty years!

But I know that God is still here.  He is Comforter and Guide, when I am clueless, and He is the orchestrator of every victory I see.

After the manger, God doesn’t stop being Emmanuel.

***************************************************************************

On a strictly practical note, I am currently in Nonthaburi, Thailand, still working with the same kids I was last semester.  My kids are the ones that have a lower skill level in English, and my biggest challenge is figuring out how to help each child improve in the areas that they are weak in, while still teaching a class with curriculum.  My second-grade class is also high-energy and has very low classroom independence.  I am trying to work on teaching them that independence without throwing too much at them at once.  I would appreciate your prayers as I seek the wisdom to teach and encourage these students.

For myself, I’d ask for prayer regarding all my Visa paperwork, as I get approved to stay in the country longer-term.  I recently found out that due to a mix-up, my temporary Visa expired over break, which will probably require me to go on a quick trip out of the country, so I can renew it.  While a headache, I’m hoping something nice will come out of it, if only the chance to stay in a hotel with wifi 😉

Thank you all so much for your readership and comments.  It makes me feel good to keep you all updated on my life and progress.  If there is anything you are curious about in my life in Thailand, let me know!  I’m happy to answer.

Next update should be sooner.  I’m trying to aim for 2 postings a month.  If there are any topics you’d like a blog post on, again, I’m all ears.

I love you all, signing off for now!

Julianna

This time last year, I had just come off a week of hanging out with my family and close friend.  We stayed up way too late, went on a Ferris Wheel in Maryland, and made delicious pie.

This year, I woke up not to the smell of turkey, but to a pounding sinus headache.

Happy Thanksgiving, y’all.

The day got better when Grade One had their Thanksgiving party: a “taste test”.  They got to try turkey lunch meat (because when buying a turkey costs the same as buying a phone, Oscar Meyer looks pretty dang good…), pumpkin pie, apple cider, and stuffing.  Some things went over better than others.

I taught my classes.  Some things went down better than others.  But I’m starting to see that some of the things I hoped to implement with my classes are going to be harder than I thought, or just not possible right now.

And that was hard.  I broke down a bit.

Thankfully, my cooperating teacher and another teacher talked me out of the funk.  It’s good to care, but it’s not good to feel like everything is on you.

I have to keep remembering it’s not about me.  It has never been about me.  This is about God, and the way He shows up through me on a daily basis.

Some days, it’s easier to remember that.

I got pizza for dinner and watched Netflix with a friend.  Hands-down NOT my worst Thanksgiving.  That would be the year we went to Disney World and my mom contracted shingles.

This past Saturday, we had a big teacher Thanksgiving, and we invited our Thai staff from the school as well.  Still no turkey, but there was mashed potatoes and pumpkin pie, so I was satisfied.

What did I learn?

• I’m thankful for friends and coworkers who understand that teaching is not an easy career. Nor does it always feel rewarding.
• I’m thankful that I can get pizza in Thailand. With cheese crust.
• I’m thankful for my parents, who never fail in their advice and support.
• I’m thankful for my kids, crazy as they drive me. Because I see the potential, and dang it, they may win battles, but they won’t win the war.  They WILL improve.
• I’m thankful that on days where I realize how not enough I am, that I can relax onto God, who never asks me to be anything but His.

And now, after all that mess, begins the Christmas Season!!! Cue carols and trees and lights and 90 degree weather…wait.

Well, cue more posts with me ruminating on the irony of being in a foreign land, celebrating how the Son of God came to a foreign land.

Signing off for now.  If you could pray for my health and the health of the kids and my co-workers, that would be great.  I’ve had a bit of a cold and lots of kids and teachers are sick, too.

Love you all!

Hello everyone, I once again greet you from the far off streets of Nonthaburi!

Is it really already November?  Of course, here I have no weather change to help underscore the passing of the seasons.  I’m sure it’s cold in the States, but here it’s still 80-90 degrees everyday.  It still feels like I never left summer.

But you don’t want to hear about that.  I can practically hear the questions: “What’s it like, Julianna?”  “How’s teaching?”  “Is it going well?”  “Do you like the food?”  “What do you do all day?”

Like all true answers, mine is complicated.

“It” is new.  Like I’ve said before, I’m an adult on my own for the first time, and it is quite often exhausting.  It takes growing up to realize how much you don’t know.  There’s a humbling part of independence, where you begin to realize WHY God designed us to depend on each other.

“It” is also fun.  I take song taus (trucks with space to sit in the back that cost the equivalent of 22 cents) to school and grocery shop when I want and buy roti (bread with sugar icing) on a Saturday night.  I get to go hang out with people and keep my own hours.  That’s fun.

Teaching is going well.  And also hard.  I’ve realized lately that students really have no idea just what their teachers go through.  There are moments when I KNOW that I am where I am for a reason and there are others when the last thing I want to do is stand up in front of eleven boys and one girl for 80 minutes and attempt to teach them vocabulary and spelling.

My internal phrase is “herding cats”.  I love them, I really do.  It’s tiring, but I know I’m where I need to be.

The verse currently keeping me going is 2 Corinthians 4:1, “Therefore, since through God’s mercy we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.”   God gave me this job quite literally out of nowhere, and He will get me through every day.

Right now, I’m trying to learn the class and the kids.  There’s all these different personalities and strengths and weaknesses and I want to teach them all well.  Second grade is currently my babies.  I have first grade for the first time this week.  I get third grade next week.  Pray that I am able to develop a teaching plan and able to differentiate how I teach each class.

I do like the food, although I haven’t eaten a ton of “traditional” Thai food.  Kao man tai (chicken and rice soup) is good, any kind of curry is good.  I love that they keep the yokes runny in hard boiled eggs.  Roti is also delicious.

All day…well, on a school day, I get up at 6:30.  Get dressed, have a quiet time, get out the door by 7:15.  Jump on whatever bus or song tau comes first and ride on down to the school.  Clock in by 7:30.  Go print papers or fix my powerpoint or frantically get everything ready.  9:00, first grade comes.  10:25, they get a break and so do I.  11:00: eat lunch.  11:30-12:50 is 2nd grade and 1:00-2:20 is third grade.  After that, I either have planning time, meetings, or chapel.  I plan until my ears bleed and then go home at 4:30 (if I’m lucky).  Weekends, I do something with people, after sleeping in, and Sundays is church and whatever else comes my way.

So yeah, that’s my current life update.  A lot of new things and transition.  I’ll let you know when something noteworthy happens.  In the meantime, thank you all for reading and let me know what’s going on with you!

I came up with what I thought was a clever little retort as I walked down the hot, muggy street one afternoon.

“Some of you might ask me, ‘what’s it like living in a foreign country’?  To that, I respond: ‘what’s it like to live in a country where you can read the signs on the street?’”

Granted, that example falls a little flat, because Nonthaburi, and especially Bangkok proper, has a lot of English signage, especially in the built-up tourist areas.  But the sentiment is the same.

What’s it like for you, my family, friends, and random internet readers, to live where you can speak to everyone in complete sentences and not feel like a toddler when you open your mouth?  What’s it like to not contemplate having to bite the bullet and pay a taxi or walk home, because you have a car?  What’s it like to know how everything works (generally) and how to behave in every social situation?

If you can answer those questions, then you can guess that the opposite is what it’s like to live in a foreign country.

You live with a perpetual feeling of awkward.  It feels like everyone is staring at you (which they generally are), especially when you don’t want them to.  I just want to buy my papaya or fill my water in peace, people!  Trust me, I am not that interesting just because my skin happens to be three shades lighter than yours!!!

Added to that feeling is the very real fact that I have never lived completely on my own before.  I’ve been at college but living in a dorm and living in your own apartment, by yourself, is a whole different ballgame.  What am I eating for dinner?  What DO I eat for dinner?  How do I handle buying a phone plan or having two workmen show up to install my wifi (who know about 3 words of English between them)?  How do I (*pinch my nose and sigh*)  ADULT?

And trust me, the community at GES (my school) have been absolutely amazing in helping me out, as well as other friends of mine, but there is still the reality that this isn’t a church trip, this isn’t an internship, this is REAL LIFE.  I am LIVING in Thailand.  I can’t stay in survival mode.  That works for a two month internship but not seven-ish months (and possibly more).

It’s humbling, to start all over again.  It’s fun, in many ways.  I’ve had lots of good experiences this week: I took a river taxi to explore a wat (Buddhist temple) and an outdoor mall area, explored ANOTHER mall in downtown Bangkok, learned how to use the Thai Metro (SO much better than a taxi! And cheaper!), bought a ton of groceries, ate with people, went to IKEA for the first time…

God has been good.  Really good.  Even the hard or awkward moments really don’t feel so bad when you’re sitting on a floating deck restaurant eating cashew chicken.

It’s humbling to be the stranger but it’s even more humbling to be taken in.  Grace is a good thing.  And with all the grace that has been given to me, I can’t wait to start dishing it out on my students!

As I begin my first week of teaching, my first JOB, I pray that I will remember how lucky I am to be here in the first place.  May I show my students love and appreciation, as I strive to push them forward.  And (hardest for me) on the days when I am not enough, may I have enough humility to lean into God, and let His strength be better than mine.

Updates will keep coming.  I don’t know if I will do once a week continually, but I will shoot for at least every two weeks.

Love you all!  Let me know how things are doing in the States.

And…signing off.

Well hello everyone!  Yup, I made it all the way to Thailand.  Got an apartment.  Bought a phone (that was fun…American phone meeting Thai SIM card equals…no.  So a new Thai phone it was!).

It was a little rough the first day, I’m not gonna lie.  I don’t think I had really let myself (or had time to) process that “oh yeah, I’m moving overseas for a good while, and this isn’t just a mission trip, I have to live here.”  Plus, having to set up a bank account and do other adult things is a thousand times more overwhelming in a foreign country…there were tears shed.

But I got help from some pretty amazing people.  Shout-out to everyone that I have met over the past few days.  You’ve really helped me to feel like a part of a community, even though I’ve only just arrived.

Currently, the school is on Fall Break, so I get a week to acclimate and explore.  Then, I start student teaching up again, working with 2^nd and 3^rd graders who need English Intervention.  I got a taste of that on this past Friday.

This is the third grade class.  Their current teacher let me jump in and do a game with them after their test.  They are precious!  As are the second graders.  Lots of energy all around…

So far, I’ve mostly been running around, taking in everything, meeting people, and eating good food.  I got my apartment in order and I’m ready to…literally do whatever this week.  I will update as I can.

If you’re praying, pray that I will acclimate to things here well, not get violently ill any time soon, and start making good connections here.  And pray that I will get the time this week to slow down a bit.  I haven’t had much time for slow lately…

How are things in America?  Shoot me a comment and let me know what’s up with you!  I love to hear from people.

Signing off for now, back soon!

Hello all!  Yes, I am still alive.  It’s been a while, I know.  The last month has been really crazy.  I promise that updates will be more regular from here on out, now that I’m actually….but I’m getting ahead of myself. 😊

If the first entry I posted wasn’t enough to tip you off, I really like the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, by JRR Tolkien.

A lot….

And those books have colored my perception of whenever I go overseas or move on a new chapter of my life.

In the Hobbit, the titular character Bilbo Baggins leaves his comfortable home in the peaceful Shire, to go on a mad adventure with a wizard and 13 dwarfs to get back a treasure from a dragon.

Leaving his home is weird enough but their first real stop is a place called Rivendell, home of the Elven-lord Elrond.  And that stop is pretty good, all things considered.  Immortal, wise Elves, good food, nice beds, pleasant company….

I think you can see where I’m going.  This last month and a half has been my Rivendell.

Yes, there were hard things.  I found out just how crazy teaching can be, on those days when love and enthusiasm isn’t enough to make everything alright, when you’ve run your voice hoarse telling kids to listen.

There were days I came home exhausted and slept for three hours on the couch.  There were days I came home full of energy.  But at the end of the day, I was living with family, near friends, in a location that was more-or-less familiar.

Now, I’m really stepping into the unknown.

And it’s amazing and fun and exhilarating, but also full of so many questions and what-ifs and dot-dot-dots.

All this fluff to say, I’m getting on a plane in less than 24 hours to go to a country I’ve heard about in stories and seen in pictures, to teach children I don’t know at a school I also only know from stories and pictures.

I’ll love it, I’m sure, but I’ll definitely have left everything familiar.

So at 10:55 am tomorrow, if you think of me, say a prayer as I head off on the next stage of my adventure.  I’ll certainly welcome it.  And I’ll keep you all posted as I move ahead.

See you on the other side!